A letter to big-hearted souls

Dear big-hearted human,

Your heart is beautiful.
And it soooo deserves to be loved endlessly!

There’s nothing wrong with desiring love and connection. At all.

But if you want a truly mature relationship, and you want somebody to choose you, you need to know one thing:

As long as you don’t choose yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?

If you keep investing your time in people that aren’t showing you the behavior you’d like, why are you expecting a different result?

Why do you think you know them better - their ‘true heart’, instead of believing them as they show themselves to you?

The big heart inside of that beautiful chest might actually be looking for that next fix of dopamine. Proof that you’re worthy.

Deep connection is not always true soul connection; it might just be your brain fooling you.

Big heartedness often comes with unresolved love addiction.

Can you be honest with yourself and discern the part that’s truly unconditionally loving, versus the part that’s secretly expecting them do what YOU need to do yourself?

I know what it’s like.
To always be so understanding.
To always be the one who calls for reconnection.
To see all the potential, and hold on the the magic of the ‘deep connection’.

You wonder… why won’t they love me as I love them? Will I ever be loved in the way I deserve?

You call them avoidant.
Immature.
Traumatized.

And you?
You understand it all.

But what you call ‘patience’ could actually be desperation in disguise.

What you call ‘giving them space’ might actually be you not daring to take up space for yourself.

They might be avoidant through disconnecting from you, but you’re setting the example by disconnecting from your true heart.

It seems noble, to be oh so loving.
To stick around. Hold on. Try again.

And it might be worth it - who knows? But underneath all that nobility hides a part of you that’s actually hoping to be saved.

You giving so much love, because you actually deeply long to receive it. Maybe even at the cost of your own wellbeing.

The sooner you realize that what you’re secretly asking is what you’re also denying yourself, the sooner you can shift this pattern.

YOU show up for you - you don’t demand it from them
YOU hold yourself in warm regard - even when they can’t.
YOU hold that little child inside and give them comfort - not them.

Stop manipulating them into the relationship, start becoming real with yourself.

This is not a call to empower you on an individual level. This is about you becoming relational with them through a healthy relationship with yourself.

This can be scary.

It might include letting go of what’s not aligned.

But it will also bring you closer to the person who will always have your back: you.