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Remember when I shared about how relationships are the ultimate opportunity for growth, because they reflect our deepest pain? If you don't, go and read this article here.
Well… there’s a lot more to say about that, as you can imagine.
It’s not just your own stuff you get to see.
It’s also that your partner goes through their own sh*t and as you’re the person who comes closer than anybody else (physically and emotionally), you may find yourself being the punching bag.
Yup.
There’s quite a lot to take in sometimes.
Your natural instinct might be to defend yourself.
You may get angry, passive aggressive, resentful.
You may criticize, blame or judge them.
You may withdraw.
You give them the silent treatment.
Or you collapse into your own drama.
Are you reacting or are you responding?
This is not always a bad thing. The expression of your emotions is part of relating and part of your own, sovereign expression, and it’s a gift to know that your partner can hold you in that emotional state.
Unless it becomes excessive and unhelpful, because you react to the situation from a primal instinct, rather than respond from your own inner grounds.
And thát's where life is inviting you to take a good look at yourself again. In the end, this is where the gold is.
The question is then: how can you respond differently?
Let me share from my personal perspective: one of my biggest practices in life is to stay close to my heart. To honor the space of love.
Often I ask myself:
What would love do?
The answer then is that love would not take everything so personally.
Love for me would take time to feel my own sensations and stirrings, and fully allow them to be there.
Love for my partner would really try to see things from their perspective and background.
Love itself stays open.
Kind.
Compassionate.
Spacious.
Understanding.
Love sees through the bullshit, finding truth.
Love sees the possibilities, rather than the limitations.
Love looks for entrances, rather than closing down.
Love also knows how to set boundaries in a healthy, firm way.
Love trusts.
I’ve noticed that whenever I feel unsafe in myself, in my relationship, or in life, sinking into the space of love for all, helps me to calm down and feel safe again.
Not easy, but it works.
Here’s a meditation for your heart that you may want to do to practice being in the safe space of love.
Hope this helps!
Much love,
Michelle
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