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There’s a very popular narrative that says: like attracts like.
It argues that the frequency you send out will attract the same frequency.
Basically, it states that if you keep attracting a certain type of person, this must be your own doing.
If you’re attracting emotionally unavailable people, it’s because you are emotionally unavailable yourself.
If you keep attracting people who’re into a push-pull strategy, it must be because there’s still a lot of shit inside of you that makes you a magnet to their BS.
Similarly, the narrative argues that if you grow and mature within yourself, you will automatically call in a partner who is awakened and mature.
To some extend this sounds plausible.
I’ve bought into it for years.
Until I didn’t any longer.
A soul-searching journey inward
What this notion inspired, was for me to go within and see where my own shadows were still playing out and how I contributed to a certain dynamic.
That was a huge win.
However, it also made me question myself constantly when it didn’t work out with somebody.
What’s wrong with me?
Am I still sending out the wrong frequency?
Why do I keep attracting these people?
What am I not seeing?
I realized years ago that although there’s beauty in soul-searching and wanting to grow, there’s also a danger of self-doubt, process addiction and perfectionism.
This narrative of ‘like attracts like’ basically blames you for the fact that you may have attracted somebody who isn’t able to meet you where you’re at.
It’s f*cking GASLIGHTING.
And it’s the biggest horseshit there is.
It's NOT your fault!
If you should attract somebody who turns out to be a narcissist, it’s not your fault.
If you attract someone with trauma or lots of baggage, it’s not your fault.
If you attract somebody who pulls back, it’s not your fault.
Also, if you attract a truly amazing being with só much capacity to love, it’s because YOU DESERVE IT.
You see, there’s nothing wrong with you.
Heck, if YOU bring trauma to the table, it also doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you! You’re human for love’s sake. We all got trauma.
Own your own shit, but don’t internalize what’s not.
What’s yours is yours, what’s theirs is theirs.
What changes over time, though, is your response. To the good, and the bad.
You may be able to spot red flags earlier on, you may be rooted deeper in yourself and set clear boundaries sooner, and you may learn to communicate more effectively.
- You may learn to become less reactive.
- You may increase your capacity to hold your own.
- You may become fully available for yourself, even when they’re not.
- You won’t feel abandoned anymore, because you’re loyal to yourself.
- You may close the door sooner (or not!).
- You may dare to trust yourself more and surrender to the love that’s presented to you – baggage included.
Thát’s where you truly win: in your response to it all.
So whenever you feel that you failed, because you attracted A, B or C again… remember this: you’re deserving of love with all your imperfections, there’s nothing wrong with you and you’re not responsible for another person’s sh*t.
Would you like to learn how to respond differently so that you may have a different result over time? Thát's where I can support you!
Much love,
Michelle
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