|
Mirror, mirror on the wall…
Ever felt like you got deceived by life, when your relationship turned out to be a lot more painful than you imagined?
You wouldn’t be the first.
It all seemed so beautiful at first. ‘Finally somebody who gets me!’
It just seemed like the perfect match.
The truth it: it very well may be so. If… you’re willing to see it through.
Our partner: a mirror for our unresolved issues
Fact is: relationships are not just rainbows and roses.
The fairytales fooled us.
They’re one huge mirror for our unresolved issues (which is a never-ending process).
After the initial high of relationship settles, the pain of previous relationships or childhood trauma arises.
We get to see all the ugliness, the flaws, the unhealed wounds, our own sense of unworthiness… and most of all: our fear of abandonment.
And our partner is the walking, talking mirror that reflects all of this. Ouch.
Depending on how safe we feel within ourselves, we may start acting out to protect ourselves from this super scary phenomenon we call ‘relating’.
I mean… just think about it…
- What if they find out we’re not as strong, capable, sexy or ‘whole’ as they first thought?
- What if they realize somebody else might be a better fit?
- What if there’s somebody better out there for me?
- What if they will expect too much, and I can’t give it?
- What if I fail?
- What if…?
What if they get to truly see me for who I am?
Now, thát's scary... being so exposed.
It’s often an unconscious fear. But it may drive your behavior more than you know.
Two ends of the same stick
You may find yourself moving in either of these directions:
⇒ You move closer, trying to cling to the security your partner represents, believing you ‘need’ them.
⇒ Or you withdraw, believing you’re safer on your own, not allowing true intimacy in your life, pushing them away.
Both protection mechanisms stem from the same fear: the fear of being left alone.
Again.
These protection mechanisms serve a purpose and are something to work with, not judge. They help you calm down your nervous system again, so you can then feel safe and open to connect in a mature way.
Imperfect soldiers of love
This then opens you up to a third option:
You take a good look in that mirror, not shying away from the image you see, and you face it together.
If you’re with a partner who’s willing to look at that mirror with you, support you lovingly, there’s beauty to be found in the ugliness that might be reflected to you.
Relationships are the ultimate opportunity to grow, m’lovely.
And it takes two imperfect soldiers of love to be willing to march down that path and do the uncomfortable work.
If you’ve seen your own mirrors lately and you’d love to take an honest look at yourself (or with your partner), and you’d like some support… know where to find me.
I got you!
Much love,
Michelle
|
